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INTRODUCTION
Today’s
kids and parents are busy.
We make the dinner and make the beds. We pay the bills,
change the baby and help our kids build a rocket for the school science
fair. We work and we worry - about high fevers and the high cost of just
about everything.
And sometimes in the shuffle, we simply forget the
problems and pressures that kids themselves face every day. Drugs,
alcohol, gangs and street crime offer tempting opportunities to kids who
see no other easy way to feel important, and no other way to win.
That’s why we’ve put together this handbook. In it,
we’ll discuss the danger signs of drug abuse and gang activity.
We’ll also pass along the advice of experts on raising confident,
caring kids -- strong enough to stand up to social pressure and smart
enough to see the difference between hanging around with friends and
hanging out with a neighborhood gang.
They’re lessons we simply can’t afford to ignore.
Research has shown that kids who learn the anti-drug
message at home are 42% less likely to start using. This handbook will
serve as a guide for you to get this very important conversation with
your child started. It will walk you through the often intimidating task
of talking to your kids about drugs, no matter their age or grade.
We understand that it is hard for parents to keep up
with drug trends in their children’s school, so another valuable
resource we offer is our award-winning web site, DrugFreeAZ.com. We
encourage you to take advantage of all the web site has to offer and
share the information you find with friends and family.
The heart of prevention is the relationship you build
with your kids - whether they’re four or 14, you have the power to
make a difference.
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PARENTING
FOR PREVENTION
Let’s
face it. Growing up just isn’t what it used to be. Through music,
movies, and MTV, kids today are hammered by adult ideas and images and
pushed to make important choices at an age when most of us worried about
getting a date — or a driver’s license.
Just consider some of these startling facts:
- Drunk and drugged driving is the leading cause of
death among 15-to-24-year-olds nationwide; in Arizona, nearly half
(47.9 percent) of high school students and one in three (34.4
percent) of junior high students currently drink.
- Over 41 percent of Arizona public high school
students have used marijuana in their lifetime; 72.3 percent have
tried alcohol.
- More than 13,490 kids age 18 or younger are gang
members in Arizona; there are over 560 youth gangs in Arizona alone.
The risks of being young are rising. Still, the basic
rules for raising kids haven’t changed much over the years. Getting
involved in our kids’ lives and teaching them a strong sense of
self-worth is as important now as ever. Kids who value themselves and
their own feelings are less likely to make choices based on what their
friends say or think or do.
So how does a busy, modern-day parent do all that?
Spend time together. Set aside at
least 10 minutes daily for quiet conversation with each child. Plan at
least one family fun time each week — for walks, games, family
projects or shared hobbies. Give your kids access to you; it’s what
they want most.
Build good feelings. Encourage your
kids often, pointing out the special qualities of each child. Be
specific (they’ll know if you’re faking): “I appreciate the way
you helped your baby brother today,” or “You make friends so
easily.” Remember that your kids are individuals, too, and may choose
to be different from you. Within reason, allow for differences in dress
and lifestyle without taking your love away.
Build strong boundaries. Teach your
children to like and respect themselves by liking yourself. Don’t
allow your kids, friends, or spouse to bully or mistreat you.
Decision-making. Within careful
limits, let your kids make their own choices — when to study, what to
play, how to spend their money. Encourage working together on family
chores and activities, from making the beds to making plans for a ball
game. Watch for “teachable moments” — a chance to talk about an
idea, share an experience, or (gulp) let the kids decide what’s for
dinner.
Family
Drug Education
The best place to begin guiding our kids in making
decisions about alcohol and other drugs is in the home. We suggest
beginning drug education early — and as a natural part of family
projects and mealtime talks. And if it’s too late to start
“early,” start anyway. Your kids may not know as much as they think.
Group
Think
- Begin by collecting information on drugs and
alcohol. Read and talk about issues and separate rumors from facts.
- Share your feelings about how drugs might
affect your children: “I’m scared that you’ll get hurt by
riding in a car with someone who is drunk or high,” or “I’m
afraid that once you start, you won’t be able to stop.”
- Be honest about your own drug use: “I’m
really struggling to quit smoking and I hate the thought of you
starting. I hope you’ll save yourself all the trouble I’m going
through and not start at all.”
- Keep your kids’ ages in mind: Young children
view the world as black or white and are usually satisfied with the
statement that drugs are “bad.” But don’t expect your
teenagers to see it that simply. They’re more likely to view drug
use and drinking as their own choice. Be ready with sound facts and
solid examples of the damage alcohol and other drugs can do.
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What
You Can Do
Your child’s transition from elementary
school to middle school or junior high calls for special
vigilance. Children are much more vulnerable to drugs and other
risky behavior when they move from sixth to seventh grade than
when they were younger.
Continue the dialogue on drugs that you began
when your child was younger, and stay involved in your child’s
daily life by encouraging interests and monitoring activities.
Use the specific actions below to significantly reduce the
chance of your child becoming involved with drugs. Some of these
actions may seem like common sense. And some may meet with
resistance from preteens who are naturally striving to achieve
independence from their parents. But all the measures listed
below are critically important in making sure that your
child’s life is structured in such a way that drugs have no
place in it.
- If possible, arrange to have your children
looked after and engaged from three to five p.m. Encourage
them to get involved with youth groups, arts, music, sports,
community service, and academic clubs.
- Make sure children who are unattended for
periods during the day feel your presence. Give them a
schedule and set limits on their behavior. Give them
household chores to accomplish. Enforce a strict
phone-in-to-you policy. Leave notes for them around the
house. Provide easy-to-find snacks.
- Get to know the parents of your child’s
friends. Exchange phone numbers and addresses. Have everyone
agree to forbid each others’ children from consuming
alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs in their homes, and pledge
that you will inform each other if one of you becomes aware
of a child who violates this pact.
- Call parents whose home is to be used for a
party. Make sure they can assure you that no alcoholic
beverages or illegal substances will be dispensed. Don’t
be afraid to check out the party yourself to see that adult
supervision is in place.
- Make it easy for your child to leave a place
where substances are being used. Discuss in advance how to
contact you or another designated adult in order to get a
ride home. If another adult provides the transportation, be
up and available to talk about the incident when your child
arrives home.
- Set curfews and enforce them. Weekend
curfews might range from
9 p.m. for a fifth-grader to 12:30 a.m. for a senior in high
school.
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LAYING
THE FOUNDATION
There’s
good news and bad news about being a parent today.
The bad news is that it’s hard work — maybe the
hardest work that we’ll ever take on in our lives. And as growing up
gets more complicated for our kids, our job of supporting and guiding
them in the decisions they make gets tougher too.
The good news is that we don’t have to do it alone.
In this section we’ll review common community
resources for “drug-proofing” our kids — from simple, common sense
changes we can all make at home to community-wide campaigns and
activities. Look over “Calls and Contacts” for help in getting
started.
The rest is up to you. Because like parenting,
preventing alcohol and drug use is a tough job. But it’s one you’ll
never regret.
Parent
Power
Know yourself. Be clear about where
you (and any other adults in the household) stand on using drugs and
alcohol. Talk it over in advance with your spouse or other adult
partner.
No drug use. Many families establish a
no drug use rule for their kids. It’s short, simple — and safe.
Whatever your rules are, be certain family members know what they are.
Family rules. Set consequences for
breaking family rules that you are willing to carry out and that match
the rule that’s been broken. Don’t threaten if you won’t follow
through.
Healthy choices. One of the best ways
to practice “drug-proofing” in your family is by helping your
children make healthy lifestyle choices. Teach them how to reduce stress
and worry without illegal substances, through exercise or talking their
troubles out. And help them learn to have fun and feel good about
themselves by learning new skills — or fine-tuning old ones.
Support systems. Get to know other
parents in your neighborhood, your child’s group of friends, or
after-school activities. Use your network to provide a caring,
supervised setting for your kids when you’re not there. Carpool, join
the PTA, share supervision of activities, develop joint rules on curfews
and dating, and support one another in maintaining a safe space for
kids.
Community Connections. Investigate
local prevention resources through public schools and special law
enforcement programs. Service groups, such as Boys and Girls Clubs,
YMCA, Head Start, departments of parks and recreation and others also
offer summer and after-school activities and prevention programs for
youth.
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Teen-Fest
-- Parents and Parties
With a little planning — and a firm agreement
on codes of conduct — any party can be fun, safe, and drug-
and alcohol-free. Some pointers:
If your teen is holding a party...
- As much as possible, allow your kids to plan
their own party — from set-up to clean-up. Discuss the
plan with them in advance.
- Have a plan for keeping out guests who
appear drunk or drugged.
- As the adult host, you’re responsible for
your child’s guests. Don’t create chances to drink by
leaving liquor where it’s easily available.
- Set aside an area of the house for the
party. Limit attendance (to a guest list, if possible), and
set an ending time before family curfew.
- If the party does get out of control
(fights, broken furniture, large crowds, etc.), don’t
hesitate to call parents — or the police.
- Never let an intoxicated teenager drive
home.
If your teen is attending a
party…
- Ask for the name, address, and phone number
of the host. Contact the parents to be sure the party will
be drug- and alcohol-free and that an adult will be there.
Leave your name and number with the parents.
- Ask your kids to call you if there is a
change of plans or if a problem develops. Let them know
there will be no punishment if they ask for help. Keep that
promise.
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HOW
TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT DRUGS
Preschoolers
It may seem premature to talk about drugs with
preschoolers, but the attitudes and habits that they form at this age
have an important bearing on the decisions they will make when they’re
older. At this early age, they are eager to know and memorize rules, and
they want your opinion on what’s “bad” and what’s “good.”
Although they are old enough to understand that smoking
is bad for them, they’re not ready to take in complex facts about
alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Nevertheless, this is a good time to
practice the decision-making and problem-solving skills that they will
need to say “no” later on.
Here are some ways to help your preschool children make
good decisions about what should and should not go into their bodies:
- Discuss why children need to eat healthy food. Have
your child name several favorite good foods and explain how these
foods contribute to health and strength.
- Set aside regular times when you can give your son
or daughter your full attention. Get on the floor and play with him;
learn about her likes and dislikes; let him know that you love him;
say that she’s too wonderful and unique to do drugs. You’ll
build strong bonds of trust and affection that will make turning
away from drugs easier in the years to come.
- Provide guidelines like playing fair, sharing toys,
and telling the truth so children know what kind of behavior you
expect from them.
- Encourage your child to follow instructions, and to
ask questions if he does not understand the instructions.
- When your child becomes frustrated at play, use the
opportunity to strengthen problem-solving skills. For example, if a
tower of blocks keeps collapsing, work together to find possible
solutions. Turning a bad situation into a success reinforces a
child’s self-confidence.
- Whenever possible, let your child choose what to
wear. Even if the clothes don’t quite match, you are reinforcing
your child’s ability to make decisions.
- Point out the poisonous and harmful substances
commonly found in homes, such as bleach, kitchen cleanser, and
furniture polish, and read the products’ warning labels out loud.
Explain to your children that not all “bad” drugs have warnings
on them, so they should only eat or smell food or a prescribed
medicine that you, a grandparent, or a babysitter give them.
- Explain that prescription medications are drugs
which can help the person for whom they are meant but that can harm
anyone else – especially children, who must stay away from them.
Kindergarten
through third grade (5-8 years old)
A
child this age usually shows increasing interest in the world outside
the family and home. Now is the time to begin to explain what alcohol,
tobacco, and drugs are, that some people use them even though they are
harmful, and the consequences of using them. Discuss how anything you
put in your body that is not food can be extremely harmful, and how
drugs interfere with the way our bodies work and can make a person very
sick or even cause them to die. (Most children of this age have had
real-life experiences with a death of a relative or the relative of
someone at school.) Explain the idea of addiction – that drug use can
become a very bad habit that is hard to stop. Praise your children for
taking good care of their bodies and avoiding things that might harm
them.
By the time your children are in third grade, they
should understand:
- how foods, poisons, medicines, and illegal drugs
differ;
- how medicines prescribed by a doctor and
administered by a responsible adult may help during illness but can
be harmful if misused, so children need to stay away from any
unknown substance or container;
- why adults may drink but children may not, even in
small amounts – it’s harmful to children’s developing brains
and bodies.
Grades four
through six (9-11 years old)
Continue
to take a strong stand about drugs. At this age, children can handle
more sophisticated discussions about why people are attracted to drugs.
You can use their curiosity about major traumatic events in people’s
lives (like a car accident or divorce) to discuss how drugs can cause
these events. Children this age also love to learn facts, especially
strange ones, and they want to know how things work. This age group can
be fascinated by how drugs affect a user’s brain or body. Explain how
anything taken in excess – whether it’s cough medicine or aspirin
– can be dangerous.
Friends – either a single best friend or a group of
friends – are extremely important during this time, as is fitting in
and being seen as “normal.” When children enter middle or junior
high school, they leave their smaller, more protective surroundings and
join a much larger, less intimate crowd of preteens. These older
children may expose your child to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs. Research
shows that the earlier children begin using these substances, the more
likely they are to experience serious problems. It is essential that
your child’s anti-drug attitudes be strong before entering middle
school or junior high.
Before leaving elementary school, your children should
know:
- the immediate effects of alcohol, tobacco, and drug
use on different parts of the body, including risks of coma or fatal
overdose;
- the long-term consequences – how and why drugs can
be addicting and make users lose control of their lives;
- the reasons why drugs are especially dangerous for
growing bodies;
- the problems that alcohol and other illegal drugs
cause not only to the user, but the user’s family and world.
Rehearse potential scenarios in which friends offer
drugs. Have your children practice delivering an emphatic “That stuff
is really bad for you!” Give them permission to use you as an ex |