A project of the Maricopa County Attorney's Office • Richard M. Romley, County Attorney

INTRODUCTION

Today’s kids and parents are busy.

We make the dinner and make the beds. We pay the bills, change the baby and help our kids build a rocket for the school science fair. We work and we worry - about high fevers and the high cost of just about everything.

And sometimes in the shuffle, we simply forget the problems and pressures that kids themselves face every day. Drugs, alcohol, gangs and street crime offer tempting opportunities to kids who see no other easy way to feel important, and no other way to win.

That’s why we’ve put together this handbook. In it, we’ll discuss the danger signs of drug abuse and gang activity. We’ll also pass along the advice of experts on raising confident, caring kids -- strong enough to stand up to social pressure and smart enough to see the difference between hanging around with friends and hanging out with a neighborhood gang.

They’re lessons we simply can’t afford to ignore.

Research has shown that kids who learn the anti-drug message at home are 42% less likely to start using. This handbook will serve as a guide for you to get this very important conversation with your child started. It will walk you through the often intimidating task of talking to your kids about drugs, no matter their age or grade.

We understand that it is hard for parents to keep up with drug trends in their children’s school, so another valuable resource we offer is our award-winning web site, DrugFreeAZ.com. We encourage you to take advantage of all the web site has to offer and share the information you find with friends and family.

The heart of prevention is the relationship you build with your kids - whether they’re four or 14, you have the power to make a difference.

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PARENTING FOR PREVENTION

Let’s face it. Growing up just isn’t what it used to be. Through music, movies, and MTV, kids today are hammered by adult ideas and images and pushed to make important choices at an age when most of us worried about getting a date — or a driver’s license.

Just consider some of these startling facts:

• Drunk and drugged driving is the leading cause of death among 15-to-24-year-olds nationwide; in Arizona, nearly half (47.9 percent) of high school students and one in three (34.4 percent) of junior high students currently drink.
• Over 41 percent of Arizona public high school students have used marijuana in their lifetime; 72.3 percent have tried alcohol.
• More than 13,490 kids age 18 or younger are gang members in Arizona; there are over 560 youth gangs in Arizona alone.

The risks of being young are rising. Still, the basic rules for raising kids haven’t changed much over the years. Getting involved in our kids’ lives and teaching them a strong sense of self-worth is as important now as ever. Kids who value themselves and their own feelings are less likely to make choices based on what their friends say or think or do.

So how does a busy, modern-day parent do all that?

Spend time together. Set aside at least 10 minutes daily for quiet conversation with each child. Plan at least one family fun time each week — for walks, games, family projects or shared hobbies. Give your kids access to you; it’s what they want most.

Build good feelings. Encourage your kids often, pointing out the special qualities of each child. Be specific (they’ll know if you’re faking): “I appreciate the way you helped your baby brother today,” or “You make friends so easily.” Remember that your kids are individuals, too, and may choose to be different from you. Within reason, allow for differences in dress and lifestyle without taking your love away.

Build strong boundaries. Teach your children to like and respect themselves by liking yourself. Don’t allow your kids, friends, or spouse to bully or mistreat you.

Decision-making. Within careful limits, let your kids make their own choices — when to study, what to play, how to spend their money. Encourage working together on family chores and activities, from making the beds to making plans for a ball game. Watch for “teachable moments” — a chance to talk about an idea, share an experience, or (gulp) let the kids decide what’s for dinner.

Family Drug Education

The best place to begin guiding our kids in making decisions about alcohol and other drugs is in the home. We suggest beginning drug education early — and as a natural part of family projects and mealtime talks. And if it’s too late to start “early,” start anyway. Your kids may not know as much as they think.

Group Think

• Begin by collecting information on drugs and alcohol. Read and talk about issues and separate rumors from facts.
• Share your feelings about how drugs might affect your children: “I’m scared that you’ll get hurt by riding in a car with someone who is drunk or high,” or “I’m afraid that once you start, you won’t be able to stop.”
• Be honest about your own drug use: “I’m really struggling to quit smoking and I hate the thought of you starting. I hope you’ll save yourself all the trouble I’m going through and not start at all.”
• Keep your kids’ ages in mind: Young children view the world as black or white and are usually satisfied with the statement that drugs are “bad.” But don’t expect your teenagers to see it that simply. They’re more likely to view drug use and drinking as their own choice. Be ready with sound facts and solid examples of the damage alcohol and other drugs can do.
  

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LAYING THE FOUNDATION

There’s good news and bad news about being a parent today.

The bad news is that it’s hard work — maybe the hardest work that we’ll ever take on in our lives. And as growing up gets more complicated for our kids, our job of supporting and guiding them in the decisions they make gets tougher too.

The good news is that we don’t have to do it alone.

In this section we’ll review common community resources for “drug-proofing” our kids — from simple, common sense changes we can all make at home to community-wide campaigns and activities. Look over “Calls and Contacts” for help in getting started.

The rest is up to you. Because like parenting, preventing alcohol and drug use is a tough job. But it’s one you’ll never regret.

Parent Power

Know yourself. Be clear about where you (and any other adults in the household) stand on using drugs and alcohol. Talk it over in advance with your spouse or other adult partner.

No drug use. Many families establish a no drug use rule for their kids. It’s short, simple — and safe. Whatever your rules are, be certain family members know what they are.

Family rules. Set consequences for breaking family rules that you are willing to carry out and that match the rule that’s been broken. Don’t threaten if you won’t follow through.

Healthy choices. One of the best ways to practice “drug-proofing” in your family is by helping your children make healthy lifestyle choices. Teach them how to reduce stress and worry without illegal substances, through exercise or talking their troubles out. And help them learn to have fun and feel good about themselves by learning new skills — or fine-tuning old ones.

Support systems. Get to know other parents in your neighborhood, your child’s group of friends, or after-school activities. Use your network to provide a caring, supervised setting for your kids when you’re not there. Carpool, join the PTA, share supervision of activities, develop joint rules on curfews and dating, and support one another in maintaining a safe space for kids.

Community Connections. Investigate local prevention resources through public schools and special law enforcement programs. Service groups, such as Boys and Girls Clubs, YMCA, Head Start, departments of parks and recreation and others also offer summer and after-school activities and prevention programs for youth.

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HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT DRUGS

Preschoolers

It may seem premature to talk about drugs with preschoolers, but the attitudes and habits that they form at this age have an important bearing on the decisions they will make when they’re older. At this early age, they are eager to know and memorize rules, and they want your opinion on what’s “bad” and what’s “good.”

Although they are old enough to understand that smoking is bad for them, they’re not ready to take in complex facts about alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Nevertheless, this is a good time to practice the decision-making and problem-solving skills that they will need to say “no” later on.

Here are some ways to help your preschool children make good decisions about what should and should not go into their bodies:

• Discuss why children need to eat healthy food. Have your child name several favorite good foods and explain how these foods contribute to health and strength.
• Set aside regular times when you can give your son or daughter your full attention. Get on the floor and play with him; learn about her likes and dislikes; let him know that you love him; say that she’s too wonderful and unique to do drugs. You’ll build strong bonds of trust and affection that will make turning away from drugs easier in the years to come.
• Provide guidelines like playing fair, sharing toys, and telling the truth so children know what kind of behavior you expect from them.
• Encourage your child to follow instructions, and to ask questions if he does not understand the instructions.
• When your child becomes frustrated at play, use the opportunity to strengthen problem-solving skills. For example, if a tower of blocks keeps collapsing, work together to find possible solutions. Turning a bad situation into a success reinforces a child’s self-confidence.
• Whenever possible, let your child choose what to wear. Even if the clothes don’t quite match, you are reinforcing your child’s ability to make decisions.
• Point out the poisonous and harmful substances commonly found in homes, such as bleach, kitchen cleanser, and furniture polish, and read the products’ warning labels out loud. Explain to your children that not all “bad” drugs have warnings on them, so they should only eat or smell food or a prescribed medicine that you, a grandparent, or a babysitter give them.
• Explain that prescription medications are drugs which can help the person for whom they are meant but that can harm anyone else – especially children, who must stay away from them.

Kindergarten through third grade (5-8 years old)

A child this age usually shows increasing interest in the world outside the family and home. Now is the time to begin to explain what alcohol, tobacco, and drugs are, that some people use them even though they are harmful, and the consequences of using them. Discuss how anything you put in your body that is not food can be extremely harmful, and how drugs interfere with the way our bodies work and can make a person very sick or even cause them to die. (Most children of this age have had real-life experiences with a death of a relative or the relative of someone at school.) Explain the idea of addiction – that drug use can become a very bad habit that is hard to stop. Praise your children for taking good care of their bodies and avoiding things that might harm them.

By the time your children are in third grade, they should understand:

• how foods, poisons, medicines, and illegal drugs differ;
• how medicines prescribed by a doctor and administered by a responsible adult may help during illness but can be harmful if misused, so children need to stay away from any unknown substance or container;
• why adults may drink but children may not, even in small amounts – it’s harmful to children’s developing brains and bodies.

Grades four through six (9-11 years old)

Continue to take a strong stand about drugs. At this age, children can handle more sophisticated discussions about why people are attracted to drugs. You can use their curiosity about major traumatic events in people’s lives (like a car accident or divorce) to discuss how drugs can cause these events. Children this age also love to learn facts, especially strange ones, and they want to know how things work. This age group can be fascinated by how drugs affect a user’s brain or body. Explain how anything taken in excess – whether it’s cough medicine or aspirin – can be dangerous.

Friends – either a single best friend or a group of friends – are extremely important during this time, as is fitting in and being seen as “normal.” When children enter middle or junior high school, they leave their smaller, more protective surroundings and join a much larger, less intimate crowd of preteens. These older children may expose your child to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs. Research shows that the earlier children begin using these substances, the more likely they are to experience serious problems. It is essential that your child’s anti-drug attitudes be strong before entering middle school or junior high.

Before leaving elementary school, your children should know:

• the immediate effects of alcohol, tobacco, and drug use on different parts of the body, including risks of coma or fatal overdose;
• the long-term consequences – how and why drugs can be addicting and make users lose control of their lives;
• the reasons why drugs are especially dangerous for growing bodies;
• the problems that alcohol and other illegal drugs cause not only to the user, but the user’s family and world.

Rehearse potential scenarios in which friends offer drugs. Have your children practice delivering an emphatic “That stuff is really bad for you!” Give them permission to use you as an ex